


All that we are

by skylandmountain



Category: The X-Files RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2019-01-09 13:51:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12277866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skylandmountain/pseuds/skylandmountain
Summary: Set before and after "i'm with Schmoopie"





	All that we are

**Author's Note:**

> Pleass don't read if you might be triggered by subtle mentions of an eating disorder.   
> Nothing in this fic happened and it's all just cobbled together bits and pieces taken from some real events and snippets of info here and there.

" Oh come on David please it will be fun and the fans will go wild for this "she says holding up her "i'm with Schmoopie" t shirt.   
"No Gillian not at a con, i'm not ready for that kind of attention" he says grabbing her t.shirt and chucking it across the room.   
"Daaaavid" she whines "pleease"   
David grabs her wrists and pins her to the bed "no Gillian no" he says planting a kiss on her pouting lips.   
"Spoilsport" she says poking her tongue out.  
"There are better ways that's all i'm saying"   
Gillian giggles, wriggling out of his grasp she straddles him, unbuttoning his jeans she whispers in his ear " yeah but there's no better way to do this" 

Gillian was giddy with happiness, they had finally talked, really talked about how they felt about each other. They'd both opened up about their fear of committing to each other publicly and the ramifications that would have personally and professionally, but they were ready to take it on.  
They wanted everything not just snapshots of a life half lived, they were ready to tell the world.

She had come up with the idea of the t.shirt after seeing the social media response to her schmoopie tweet. She wanted to feel the joy and excitement as their die hard fans realised what was happening. At that moment she made a choice that for the next few months she would live to regret. 

Arriving at Wizard World wearing a cartoon character t.shirt under her jacket she told David to go on without her " go on in, i'll be there in a minute I just need to pee" she says heading towards the bathroom.   
Once in the bathroom she locks herself in changes her t.shirt and covers it with her jacket.   
She's nervous as she approaches the stage, she's about to reveal what every fan really wants to know. She can't quite believe what she's about to do but her desire for David to be part of her life outweighs her anxieties.  
As she approaches the front of the stage she takes a deep breath and slowly starts to remove her jacket.   
She hears a hum going round the auditorium, people start whistling and cheering but it's David she's looking at. She sees a flash of anger in his eyes as he realises what she's done.   
The panel was awkward, they did what they had to, David laughed and joked with her but she could feel his emotions bubbling under the surface. 

"What the fuck Gillian?" he spat as they exited the convention and into their waiting car.   
"I thought we'd agreed not like this"   
"No David we didn't agree it was you who said no, i didn't" she retorted with more sting than she'd intended.   
David turned to look at her his eyes burning with rage " that's typical of you Gillian, someone says no to you and you can't stand it, you have to prove a fucking point everytime regardless of who you hurt. I'm not one of your feminist objectors you didn't need to show me you can do whatever the fuck you want, i'm already a paid up member of that club.  
She's hurt, really hurt by the ferocity of his attack, she truly didn't mean it to come over as an act of defiance.   
"David, please" she says " it was just a t shirt, i'm sorry" she reaches out and touches his arm but he brushes her off "no Gillian, it wasn't just a t shirt it was my feelings, it was your lack of respect for my opinion.  
At the hotel they are silent. This is what they have always been, an all consuming turbulent mess. Who were they kidding that they could do normal. It was always all or nothing, they didn't function any other way. 

"I can't do this" he says quietly "just go" and her heart shatters into tiny fragments, in less than three hours she's lost everything she waited so long for.   
There is no arguing, she doesn't cry, she's too numb. She simply packs and leaves.   
He watches her go and immediately he wants her back.

She checks into another hotel, sitting on the bed in the dark she incessantly snaps the elastic band on her wrist.   
David doesn't want her, she's lost the man who is burned into her soul.   
Her stomach heaves and she runs for the bathroom. As she retches over the toilet bowl she feels the ghosts of her past creeping through her veins, taking hold, coming back to claim her. She hasn't been to this dark place for a long time and she's suddenly terrified. She sits on the side of the bath, everything is silent save for the snap of elastic as it hits the flesh of her wrist.

She does two more panels, she acts her way through, smiling, engaging, telling x files anecdotes.   
At night she sits in the darkened hotel bathroom staring at her phone and waiting to throw up the little she's eaten.   
He doesn't call and she can't bear to be here anymore, cancelling the rest of her appearances she flys back to London. 

David runs to obliterate the pain, his feet pounding the pavement until his lungs burn. In those brief moments when he struggles for air he can forget, and when he can't forget when she occupies his every thought he writes, his songs , his books, but the words are for her, it's all her.  
Everyday he picks up his phone to call, never getting to the last digit.   
He replays their last exchange over and over until his head screams for quiet.  
He treated her badly, he was hurt but she didn't deserve his venom. 

The truth was, he reacted the way he did because he was jealous, jealous of her relationship with their fans. He'd planned to propose to her on the beach, make love to her in a secluded cove with the waves lapping the shore, just her and him before the media circus broke loose.  
He was angry, he didn't want to share her anymore.

Weeks slip by he thinks about how she is, where she is, but still he doesn't call.

Then he sees her, a picture of her with another man and his stomach churns, not because she's with another man he instantly knows he poses no threat but because her tiny frame looks crushed, she's smiling but there's nothing behind her eyes, her eyes that hold the window to her soul, the deepest pools of blue show nothing but pain.  
David falls to his knees, to everyone else she looks stunning, perfect dress, perfect hair but he can see she's destroying herself, she's falling apart from the inside.   
She's never spoken to anyone apart from him about where she went in her head and how her self loathing had pushed her to the edge in her dark days and he can't let her go back there.  
He doesn't care anymore he just wants to hold her, comfort her.   
He picks up the phone and calls, she doesn't answer. He texts she doesn't reply. So he calls everyday, he texts everyday begging her to stop punishing herself, to come back to him but she doesn't.

Gillian puts her head in her hands, she can't take this anymore she's just read the latest social media storm about her new relationship. She feels like she's drowning, like her life is made of glass, everyone looking in at her judging her, criticising her. She needs to get away to somewhere she feels safe.  
She stares down at her phone and the unopened messages from David. She knows what they'll say "he's sorry". One of them is always sorry.

Davids heart pounds in his chest, he knows she's here before he sees her shoes discarded in his hallway, he can feel her presence, something changes inside of him when she's near electrifying his nerve endings, heightening his senses. She's done this before, when the world gets too much she runs to him, hides in the safety of his arms.  
He pushes open his bedroom door and his breath catches in his throat, she's sleeping on his side of the bed, Brick at her feet and the t.shirt he ran in this morning clutched tightly to her chest.  
He quietly strips off his clothes and slides into bed next to her, he gently puts his arm around her breathing in her scent and swallowing the lump in his throat as he feels the sharpness of her bones.  
"David" she murmers sleepily "sshhh tomorrow baby, we'll talk tomorrow just sleep now"  
He stares down at her for the longest time as she sleeps an exhausted heavy sleep cradled in his arms.

He wakes before her, carefully disentangling himself from her limbs he can see she looks pale, her cheekbones hollow, a stark contrast to when he'd seen her last.  
She'd been full of life, her skin warmed by the sun, by the days and nights they'd spent together, her body plump with love.

She appears like a ethereal spirit in the doorway, she's showered and dressed her hair in a messy ponytail.   
They stand looking at one another uncertain of what to say.   
I've made you breakfast, you need to eat"   
Gillian looks at the eggs, fruit and pancakes. Her stomach clenches and her throat tightens.   
"I can't" she says her voice barely a whisper.   
"Please Gillian" his eyes implore her to try.   
Trembling she picks up some fruit and chews it, she tastes the sweetness of the juice and before she can swallow it her stomach is rejecting it. She runs to the sink and retches over and over again, the offending fruit is expelled in the first gag but she doesn't stop.  
David is at her side "stop it" he yells "just stop it" but she can't she is sobbing, unable to breathe as her mind continues it's violent assault on her body.   
"For fucks sake what are you doing to yourself" he yells spinning her round breaking the cycle,   
"she slides to the floor sobbing uncontrollably. "I don't want to do this anymore, I can't live like this, i thought i'd lost you" her words come through ragged sobs.   
David kneels in front of her pulling her to him, enveloping her in his arms "you will never lose me, you're the missing piece of my heart, i can't breathe without you"  
They stay locked together a crumpled mess on the floor.  
Finally Gillian speaks, her eyes fixed on his "what if this is all that we are?"  
Davids fingers graze the hard surface of the ring box he's carried with him everyday since she left. "marry me"


End file.
